Part of Me
by AshLiz
Summary: After killing her sister Billie runs away.  The Halliwells havn't heard from or seen her in 4 years... Until now.
1. Chapter 1

The sound of her phone ringing woke up Penny. She reaches blindly for it, knocking over a lamp in the process. "Hello?" she answers groggily.

"Hi Bestie!" responds Amy before she begins talking a mile a minute about something or other. Penny doesn't really know, at some point she began to space out as she remember what today is.

Those four years ago still haunt her. Her eyes tear up at the memories that rush to the front of her mind. She clears her throat before with the most even voice she could muster says, "Hey Amy, I'm really sorry to do this to you but, I'm really not feeling well right now. How about I call you tomorrow and we can hang out then," and without waiting for a reply she hangs up.

She pulls her knees up to her chest and barriers her head in her arms. The tears flowing freely now. Oh god. The memories hurt more than any memory should. It's as clear as it was four years ago.

Her and the sisters are there. She tried so hard to talk some sense into Christy. No matter what she said Christy wouldn't believe her that the Triad was just using them. She killed her sister, oh god she had killed her sister.

With that thought she began to sob even harder. No matter how much she attempts to convince herself that she had done it for the greater good, and done the right thing she still isn't totally convinced. How is killing your own flesh and blood a good thing?

On the other hand she can examine it rationally. She knew she had really lost her sister when she was originally kidnapped. They probably spent years brain washing her so in the end, really there was nothing she could have done.

This same internal battle rages each year. Let her emotional side or rational side win? But one thing was for sure, she didn't think she could ever handle looking the Halliwells in the eyes again. To them family was everything, they had all lost a sister themselves. But she had killed her sister, they must think horribly of her.

She didn't stick around long enough to find out that's for sure. Honestly if she had stayed she would never have been able to erase any degrading look they would have given her. So four years ago instead of staying to face the music she ran. She chose a new life over one where the future was full of people who would never look at her the same.

She knows she has work in a few hours and can't go in looking like a total mess. She slides her feet into a pair of slippers before shuffling through her cluttered apartment and heads toward the kitchen. She pours herself a large glass of whatever cheap wine was at the grocery store and grabs the ice cream carton that already has a spoon in it.

She's shuffling toward her couch when she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were brimmed with a bright red and looked incredibly puffy. Her face had turned splotchy from all the crying.

"Billie pull yourself together! Eventually you will have to get over this." She says to herself. Attempting to give herself a pep talk.

She pulls a cloth out of the cabinet and soaks it in scalding water before placing it gently on her face. Within an hour her face and eyes are back to normal.

She checks her watch and realizes that she should probably get ready for work. It does take a while to look this good.

She takes a quick shower, coming out feeling refreshed. After her usual morning ritual she throws on her uniform.

With one last glance in the mirror and a fluff of her hair she exits her apartment. She is immediately met with the commotion of her most of the time highly annoying neighbors.

"Penny!" Leonard says surprised to see her, Amy had told them she wasn't feeling to well.

"Hey guys, what are you doing?" she asks perplexed as to why all four of them were outside the apartment.

"Well, Sheldon here is getting interviewed by some newspaper." Leonard says. Penny just nods.

"Yea, its like San Francisco's biggest Newspaper, maybe you have heard of it-" Howard says but before he can finish Sheldon cuts in, "Oh don't be absurd Howard, Penny doesn't read."

If it had been anyone else she would have been offended but come on it's Sheldon, he's walking joke. "Please continue Howard." Penny says even though the guy gives her the serious creeps.

"Well, the Bay Mirror is coming here. They are a little short staffed right now so their usual scientific reporter won't be coming. Apparently though the woman that's coming is some sort of self help writer. Her name's Phoebe something."

"Phoebe Halliwell." Sheldon supplies. In that instant Penny's world begins to collapse around her. She stops breathing for a few seconds. What were the chances? Now her two worlds are going to collide and there is nothing she can do to stop it.


	2. Chapter 2

Penny attempts to regain her composure quickly. She mentally shakes herself out of her reverie and looks toward Sheldon, "so when does this writer come?" she asks.

"Well, if she is punctual-which I doubt she will be- any time now." Penny offers a nod of recognition before walking back towards her apartment as if on auto pilot.

"Hey Penny, where are you going?" Leonard calls after her. She just waves her hand behind her head before slamming the door behind her.

Penny lets out a shaky breathe before sliding slowly towards the ground. She draws her legs up to her chest and lets out a noiseless sob. Why of all the days did one of the sisters have to come today? On the anniversary of her sister's death none the less. Penny groans thinking this is probably the universes way of saying hahaha you killed your sister karma's a bitch.

God, she had to think of a way to get out of here. There is no way she can face Phoebe. Especially, when she is such an emotional wreck today.

An idea hit Penny like a ton of bricks. She quickly whipped the stray tears away from her face with the back of her hand as she stands up quickly.

She runs to her room. She throws the overused and abused duffel bag onto her always unmade bed. Without haste she throws her closet doors open, grabbing her favorite clothe she shoves them into the bag. She reaches for her shoes when her hand touches something fuzzy. She lifts up a brown wig.

She gasps, this could be her way out. Penny finishes throwing things into her bag, looking but not seeing what she puts in there. In the background she can hear a faint knocking, so faint that it sounds like Leonard's apartment door that's being knocked on. Crap, Phoebe must be here already.

Penny rushes toward the bathroom, throwing on a quick outfit, adjusts the wig onto her head, than throws on a pair of oversized sunglasses before throwing the duffel bag over her shoulder.

As quietly as possible Penny opens her door and creeps outside, she locks the door and turns to high tail it the hell out of dodge. As soon as she goes to head down the stairs Leonard's apartment opens revealing Leonard, Sheldon, and of course Phoebe.

"Hey Penny, where are you going?" Leonard asks.

In her best british accent-hey, those acting lessons paid off- she yells over her shoulder that she had an audition. Penny doesn't stick around long enough to hear their response. She just keeps running down the stairs as if her life depended on it.

She reaches her beat up piece of crap car and basically throws herself inside. Her hands grasp the steering wheel to steady herself. A shaky breathe escapes her lips.

At this point she refuses to cry. She slowly puts the car in reverse and just starts driving. To where? No specific destination is specifically in mind. She just needs to clear her head. How the hell has she let this control her life again.

Penny gets lost in her thoughts of the past and the good times she had with the sisters, before she knows it a car is speeding in front of her. She slams on the brakes as best as she can. She narrowly misses the speeding car. The opposing driver flips her off before speeding off. She curses the gods and everything else she can possibly think of. As she regains her composure she pulls into a small bar on the side of the road.

Even if the accident wouldn't have been her fault, she feels she isn't in any condition to be driving. She sits down at one of the bar stools. She opts out of ordering a drink, she needs to drive herself wherever she is headed anyway.

As the bartender cleans out a glass he looks her up and down. He gives a little smirk before approaching her.

"I've seen that look before." He says with a chuckle.

She looks up unamused, "What look?"

"That very one that you're wearing now. I wore it just a few years ago myself, it's the one that screams that you're running from something."

"Wh-what? You have no idea what I'm thinking about." Penny states.

The bartender shakes his head, "It's my job to know what everyone is thinking. I'm a bartender you're here for one of three reasons: one you're drowning your sorrows, two- you're trying to pick up a man, or three- you're running from something. By the looks of it your number three."

Penny gives a noncommittal huff.

"So, what are you trying to run from?"

"What makes you think I'm going to tell you?" Penny asks.

"Well, you wouldn't be here if you had someone to talk to. So I'm all ears, here to lend an unbiased opinion."

Penny offers him a small smile. "Well, as a matter of fact I feel like I'm running." She pauses before continuing, "A few years back I did something I regret. Something that hurt a lot of people, and I ran. I ran fast and hard. I didn't look back, not once. Now, all of a sudden in my new life someone I considered a sister shows up."

Penny stops talking, giving the bartender a chance to give his input.

The bartender doesn't look up right away, he just continues washing that already dry glass. Penny begins to get impatient, "Well?"

"If you want my opinion all you have to do is ask."

She rolls her eyes, this is total bullshit. But, she wants to know what he thinks. "Ok, what do you think?"

He gently sets the glass down and looks at her. Penny is taken aback, he looks as if he is peering right into her soul. She averts her eyes to the table.

"Did you stick around long enough to find out what the others reactions were to whatever it was you did?"

"Uh, well no. I didn't want to have to face them."

The bartender nods his head, "Well, then the only thing you can be scared of is what your mind makes up."

Penny ponders that statement but comes up blank, the bartender must have sensed that because he continues, "Until you actually are in the situation where you confront those from your past you have no idea how they will react. They could be ok with what you did. You have no idea; the only thing you have to be scared of is those awful scenarios you thought up in that pretty little head of yours."

That gives Penny a lot to think about. She has no idea how any of them will even react. Maybe it won't be as bad as she thinks. Huh, she looks down at her phone to see a few missed calls. The digital numbers showed it was 10 O'clock already. She should really head home. Maybe, maybe she would talk to Phoebe.

"Uh, where is your bathroom?" Penny asks hesitantly. The bartender smiles and points his finger to the back of the bar. She makes her way over there and opens the door to the ladies room. She removes the horrendous wig and tosses it into the trash. She touches up her makeup. This is it no more hiding. It's time to face her fears.

Penny heads back out she looks back toward the bartender, "Thank you, for everything. I didn't catch your name, what is it?"

He smiles, "No thanks is necessary. Maybe I should be thanking you. Let's just say I'm a friend from above." He winks at her before turning back toward whatever he was doing behind the bar.

She gasps, no, he couldn't be. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"Just because the charmed ones couldn't find you didn't mean the rest of us couldn't."

Before she could ask anymore question he was gone. She runs a hand through her wavy hair. She just smiles up at the sky before heading out toward her car again. Now she was off to face her life.


	3. Chapter 3

After the long drive home Penny finally pulls up in front of her building. She closes her eyes and calms her breathing. This day is taking a toll on her already and she hasn't even faced the hardest part.

She hesitantly steps out of her car and enters her building. No turning back now. Time to put on the big girl panties and walk up those stairs. Or Penny thinks as an idea pops into her head, she can just camp out in a friend's house for like a week? That should be enough time right?

Penny shakes her head as if to shake those ideas out of her head. She reaches out to touch the railing to steady herself. One foot in front of the other she climbs the stairs-sluggishly slow but still climbing the stairs- to her floor.

Right as she climbs the last stair to her floor the door to their apartment opens revealing the entire gang plus Phoebe. Penny looks up at the sky, thank you universe, was the sarcastic thought in her head. She could just feel everyone in the entire freaking universe laughing at her and conspiring against her.

"Holy crap." She hears whispered not so quietly above her. Penny turns to look at Phoebe standing there with her hand pressed to her mouth and eyes wide in shock.

Penny offers a small smile, "Uh Hi Phoebe."

Before anyone else could respond Phoebe rushes over towards Penny, "Don't you hi Phoebe me" she says while giving Penny a bone crushing hug, "We all thought you were dead. We have been looking for you. Oh sweetie."

"Uh does anyone care to explain?" Leonard asks.

"No, not now. I need a drink." Penny says.

Phoebe nods her head, "I need some serious liquor. Let's go to your place so we can talk in private." Phoebe says while glancing at everyone standing behind them.

Penny nods and leads Phoebe across the hall toward her apartment. Penny pours each of them a glass of wine before joining Phoebe on the couch.

Penny looks down and studies the drink in her glass, "I don't know where to start." She admits honestly.

Phoebe grabs her hand and waits till Penny looks her in the eyes, none of the hate she thought would be there is present. "Sweetie, it's ok just start at the beginning."

"After everything that happened, I-I-I was so scared that you all would hate me." Penny confesses, "I couldn't deal if all I saw was hate from all of you. You all were more of a family to me than my own had ever been. I was so ashamed of everything I did so I just packed up and left. I didn't wait around for you all to kick me out, I just left. I needed to get away. So I moved here and stopped doing magic. I created a new identity for myself and everything."

"Oh Billie, none of us hated you. You killed your own sister for us. None of us could hate you. In fact we all were worried sick even Piper."

Penny wipes away the stray tears that have fallen. "I'm so sorry Phoebe. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to turn my back on all of you." Penny is sobbing now, uncontrollably, "I'm so so sorry. I don't know what to do. I'm so sorry." Phoebe gathers Penny in her arms as she cries. She rubs gentle circles on her back until she calms down enough.

"Today is the four year anniversary of her death. You'd think I'd be over it by now." Penny says honestly.

"It's perfectly ok to still be sad on the anniversary of her death. I still cry on the anniversary of Prue's death sometimes. It's ok to still be sad."

Penny offers Phoebe a small smile, "Thank you for listening and you know not killing me."

"When Piper and Paige find out that you are here, they are going to be ecstatic."

"Um could we, I don't know keep this quiet for right now. I don't want to rush back into everything. I mean I have a life here and I don't need everyone here finding out who I really am. They all think I'm Penny the aspiring actress."

"If that's what you really want I won't say a word. But that doesn't mean I will stop visiting. I am going to come visit you now that I know where you are."

"I would like that." Penny says.

The two talked for a few more hours just catching up as if nothing bad had ever happened to the two of them. But that can only last for so long.


End file.
